So, uh … guess who has a super bad memory. It’s me! But here I am, ready to
bust a nut get right back to work on this here challenge. I will finish it eventually, god damn it!
Without further ado, then:
HOW HAVE YOU CHANGED IN THE PAST FEW YEARS?
Holy shit, where do I even begin?
So, let’s go back, say … five years. Pre-University, pre-my America trip. I think, five years ago, I would have just about been finishing up Year 12 (June 2012). I think that’s probably around the same time we were doing That Fuckening Musical for a solid week. (Nea knows the one.)
Needless to say, between the ages of 17 and 22, I have changed Quite Drastically. I think it’ll be easier to just make a list, so here we go:
- I’m not with my first girlfriend any more! That’s a goddamn change for the better if there ever was one.
- Boyfriend! Boyfriend! Boyfriend!
- Who showed up in my life literal days after I told my mum I was a lesbian, THANKS FOR NOTHING (I love you)
- I’m also not identifying as a girl any more. I think even back then I had an inkling, though. I didn’t have nearly enough education on the subject to actually definitively say “oh, oops, not a girl” but I think I still knew in the ol’ subconscious.
- Also – not identifying as a lesbian any more! Though listen, I’m not kidding: I have genuinely been L, G, B and T* over the course of my life, so I guess I’m the Ultimate Gay now bow to me
- *I did ID as bi to begin with, and then sorta went “nope boys are Grim” for some fuckin’ reason and started ID’ing as a lesbian, and now I am happily settled as pansexual even though I fucking kNEW THE WHOLE TIME THAT WAS THE CASE. I don’t know why I didn’t just go with pan from the outset – probably some internalised shit from being a weird kid, I think. But yes, I am very much definitely pansexual as it stands currently (though I am honestly always just calling myself A Fuckin’ Gay, I just use it as more of an umbrella term for the hot mess that is me). And, obvs, super trans (specifically non-binary but honestly, I don’t really care if you just wanna say I’m trans).
- I cut all my hair off. Used to have hair down to like … 1/3 of the way down my back, I wanna say. Now it is short and also it is bright blue, which is so good. I hope I can keep it neon for a long time.
- I have a whole new set of friends, pretty much. Except for Nea and Danyl, who have stuck it out for yeeears and are incredible for doing so. I think right now I am surrounded by some of the best people I have ever been surrounded by – you guys inspire a lot of good feelings in me and it is awesome.
- I have tattoos! Also, my ears are pierced, but fuck if I ever remember to put anything in the holes (ayy). I think they’ve probably grown over again. There are more piercings/tattoos that I’d like, but also I’m poor.
- Re: number 2 – my mum knows I am a Big Ol’ Gay, which was a step I never thought I’d be brave enough to take. Still very much exercising caution on the part where I’m a Big Ol’ Trans, but I’ll get there eventually. I don’t think my dad knows – he’s never said anything, either way.
- I went to America all by myself and it’s still the best travel experience I’ve ever had.
- I finished uni and, from 19 July, will have a 2:1 BA (Hons) degree! Never saw that one coming.
- On the education note, I used to fucking suck in education. I left stuff until the very last minute (or just didn’t do it), actively ignored my teachers, and basically just was a lazy son of a gun. I feel like I’ve really turned that around with uni – I’ve been making sure to have stuff handed in at least a day before (I handed in my dissertation a week early!) and have been SO much better about managing my time and not working on stuff the night before/day of hand in. Pretty stoked about that!
- I play D&D and tabletop games now! I’m a nerd boy!
- I can cook stuff now! Not a whole ton of stuff, but more than I could before!
- I sure hope to heck I’m a better artist, good lord.
- On that note, I also hope like hell that I’m more tolerant, open-minded, and generally less of a colossal shit now than I was at 17. I was such a closed-off, closed-minded dicklord at 17, though Tumblr was starting to get me all fired up for feminism and such – but for the last few years I have been actively trying to change my thought process and open myself up to more experiences and such. It’s been slow going, and I’m glad I have extremely patient people around me in the meantime, but I sure hope I’m doing better now than I was five years ago.
There’s literally so much more – five years is a huge amount of ground to cover – but I think that’s a good place to leave it.
I promise nothing about being back tomorrow, but I will be back eventually!