june update

Gosh, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? I was doing so well with the 30 day trial, too.

Today I would pick it back up, but there’s some other stuff I want to talk about, mostly just so I can vent a bit. Venting in writing always seems to help consolidate my thoughts a lot better than verbal venting does, and what is this blog for if not exactly that?

So, let’s get to it.

As I’m sure most of you are aware, I recently (as in, last week) started a new job.

More recently (as in, this weekend), I quit that job. Well – turned it down is probably better, since I was only on my trial.

I have to stress a lot that this isn’t something I would normally like to do. I have stuck out jobs that otherwise weren’t the best in the past because employment is so hard to come by. But this job just had too many cons and not enough pros.

Now, I’m not going to sit here and slag them off, because that would be entirely immature and I’m also not saying there were no pros at all. I’d definitely like to say that the people there were almost all entirely lovely and made a huge effort to make me feel welcome, and usually just having that – if there weren’t so many outweighing cons – would be enough to convince me to stay, if only because I’m being paid at the same time.

But there were too many other issues: the commute, which took an hour and cost around £50 a week with the train and bus, and the fact that in an 8-4 work day, despite being told at interview we were allowed 30 minutes’ worth of breaks through the day, we were never really allowed to actually take those breaks – or if we did, it was quickly and behind the boss’ back. He walked in on me the other day eating my sandwich (at like, 2pm and after having finished a job he’d set, so it wasn’t like I was just slacking off) and told me to start doing the next job and didn’t leave until I’d started doing it. One of the other temps that was on for the summer – also working 8 hour days with me, just not every day – confirmed that we “don’t really get breaks”, and when your day consists of being constantly on your feet and moving heavy boxes of books around that’s definitely not ideal.

There was also the emotional impact. This may very well be my last summer of ‘freedom’ before I really have to look adulthood in the face, but I was coming home from that job on the brink of tears from how exhausted I was. Even after leaving the interview, I just had a gut feeling of “badbadbad” that never lessened or went away – and I have ended up in bad situations before when I’ve disregarded my instincts. I’m not spending this final summer miserable and letting it leave a bad taste in my mouth when I think of being in Portsmouth.

The other thing I wanted to mention is: if you think you’re in a bad situation, talk about it. I wanted so much to bottle this up and keep on trucking because friends of mine have been having a hard time finding work and I didn’t want to seem ungrateful. But I just couldn’t do it – eventually I caved and told Umby and some of our friends, and they all agreed that leaving was the best thing to do, which I’m super glad about. Even my parents agreed in the end, which surprised me, since they’re sticklers for keeping at something even if it seems shit.

So yeah, I’m out of that job. But that doesn’t mean I’m not scouting for new ones! Just maybe looking a little closer to home for now. I also feel a bit better having got that all out.

In better news, I’m tinkering with a one-shot D&D session that I might actually run! Holy shit! Usually I’m much happier playing, but I know Umby is desperate to play and I do actually want to try my hand at it, so I’m hoping this works out. Starting with a one-shot because I’m not sure how I’d handle an Entire Campaign yet, narratively speaking, but I’m still kind of excited about doing it!

So that’s it for now, I think. I will more than likely be back tomorrow to pick up the 30 day challenge from where I left off. See you then!

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